A client and I were discussing the other day how resentment had literally made her sick. We don’t usually talk much about resentment. I expect that’s because we’re supposed to be above this particular emotion. As a matter of fact, it’s even a hard one to define. Animosity, antagonism, ill will, irrational perturbation, displeasure and indignation are all in the dictionary under resentment, but I like my own definition the best.
It when I am not always sure what’s rubbing me the wrong way but I feel pissed off, irritated and edgy. One girlfriend described it as feeling “ratty”. However we describe it, I am sure you know the feeling only too well. Many people spend much of their life in that state and have it diagnosed as everything from depression to menopause to PMS to ADD. But it’s an emotional issue, manifesting as a physical problem.
Why is it so important to identify resentment? Have you noticed you will never have an amazing life if you are pissed off, irritated and edgy? You will see the negative rather than the positive. You will fear the future rather than embrace the present. You will make decisions that are small and risk-free instead of letting your soul soar. And none of those feel good.
So what are you resentful about? Lots of clients I work with are resentful because at 50 or 60 years of age, they haven’t even started doing what is important to them. They have put their own amazing life on the back burner and focused on helping everybody else achieve their dreams. They’re also resentful because they haven’t been given the Divine blueprint and they aren’t even sure what their amazing life looks like. They are irritated at the uncertainty and lack of clarity. And many times resentment around finances looms large.
Who growing up with parents that went through wars and depressions thought that after all of their education, working hard and putting their nose to the grindstone would end up broker than their parents due to a bad economy or poor money decisions – many not even their own? Most people I talk to thought they would be ready to retire by 55 – you know, the whole “freedom 55” tribal mentality. Instead, they are further in debt than they were at 35 and have had their retirement dreams flushed down the toilet.
Financial woes can piss you off faster than just about anything. Many women are resentful because children in their 20’s and 30’s are still somewhat dependent on them financially. Between dealing with aged parents, grown children and their own health and money worries, they feel burned out and ….resentful.
Resentment is one of those emotions that we just don’t admit to. Who wants to say, “I’m resentful that I worked hard to raise you, and I’m still paying your dentist bills at 25?” Not one mother who wants to feel unconditional love for her child is going to broadcast that emotion. Yet that is the reality for many parents today.
Or who dares to confess that at 65 they are no more prepared for retirement than they were at 25 but now they resent their lack of energy, opportunity and ambition? It can feel like life was stolen from them and it’s just not fair.
That feeling of it’s not fair is a big piece of the resentment issue. However, it feels downright childish to stomp and pout that it’s not fair that at 60 years of age, an amazing life seems a long ways away still, even impossible. But I believe that until we stop and look at what is holding us back from creating our amazing life, then we can’t create it. Ever.
And resentment is one of those emotions lurking in the dark places in the basements of our souls. We don’t want to go looking for where we are pissed off. But we need to.
So take inventory of your resentments because we all have them. And let’s start talking about them which can help to clear them. It will feel like a breath of fresh air.
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