Barbara wanted to know if I would attend a networking event this week. I politely declined and reiterated that I rarely went out during the week. She said, ‘I remember from the last time we talked how much I admired your view on keeping life simple. I feel so guilty about not showing up for everyone. How do you do it Jan?’

Perhaps you are wondering how you can simplify your life. I received a number of emails after my newsletter last month about priorities, taking things easier and taking time off. I hate to tell you though - I did not get any Smarties boxes in the mail! However, in view of Barbara’s conversation with me today, I decided to share some thoughts with you that I shared with her.

I didn’t fully appreciate that I had the ‘Gift of Simplicity’ until I worked with Monique Macdonald in her Sacred Gifts workshop. I knew what I felt at a gut level but I had no idea how powerful this gift was. Do you have the natural gift of simplicity? Here are some clues for you:

• You are happy to go without
• You enjoy material things but don’t feel a need to accumulate them
• You are free from the desire and struggle to have more

Once you understand all of your gifts, you appreciate that the gift of simplicity gives you the freedom to accomplish your life purpose. I personally want to be able to travel the world doing ministry and philanthropic work. Having lots of possessions to worry about, pets, plants, responsibilities, and payments, do not lend themselves to that kind of freedom.

This is not the same as being poor because of circumstances. You actually choose a simple life because it feels right for you and your purpose on this planet. The gift of simplicity also doesn’t mean that you can’t be wealthy - many millionaires live very simple lives and don’t look like millionaires. Just read the book, The Millionaire Next Door.

If you wish to cultivate this gift more in your life, here are some simple tools that I use.

I question everything as to whether it fits in with my values and dreams. For example, I don’t buy things unless I really need them. I don’t just ‘go shopping’ because I have nothing else to do or because I love shopping. Yes, I buy nice things, but they need to be practical, easy to care for, and if they are big or expensive, I think about how much work it will be to get rid of them. Are you wanting to simplify but find yourself a compulsive collector? Ask yourself why you really buy.

I remember desperately wanting this particular bedroom suite with all the trimmings. You know…one of those ‘I’ll just die unless I have it’ type of things. It was nice for awhile, but then as I moved across the country, divorced and moved, and then moved in with my boyfriend, that five piece bedroom suite was a pain in the butt to move every time I was on the move. I ended up leaving one part of this precious possession with my ex-boyfriend and practically gave the rest away before I went to Africa. So much for the ‘have to have’ story! We all have those stories lurking in our closets.

Today, I do not own a dresser. I never could keep the drawers tidy anyways! Instead I bought a very functional plastic bin contraption that sits in my closet and some baskets for sweaters, and my clothes have never been tidier. Cost me less than $50 for the whole thing and I don’t even need to dust it! So before I buy, I decide if it is really worth it and how much pain it will be to move or to get rid of.

I question whether or not I really want to do something or if I am doing it because I feel guilty about NOT doing it. I said to Barbara today that the reason everybody wants her at the networking events is because SHE thinks she needs to be there. Once she gets comfortable with her new boundaries, everybody else will fall into place. It’s almost always our own hang-ups that propel us into doing something we don’t want. I love the line that ‘No’ is a complete sentence. If you feel like you have to explain your actions, justify the reasons you do things or not; or if you feel guilty setting your boundaries, people will mirror back to you ‘your own stuff’ every time. Guaranteed.

In the beginning I felt guilty about not showing up and doing the schmoozing. Then I realized that I didn’t want to do it; I didn’t really enjoy it and I much preferred not going. So why did I go? Because I actually thought that people really cared whether I showed up or not. People don’t care about what we do nearly as much as we think they do. They are usually far too busy worrying about themselves and what they are doing.

So back to my question. Did I really benefit from the effort of getting dressed up, driving to an event, paying the price of admission, making the small talk and appropriate niceties and driving home with a few cards? Personally, I decided that I didn’t. My business has grown exclusively through the internet, phone and referrals. It hasn’t suffered one little bit from my not going out. As a matter of fact, it has prospered and I have far more time and energy for my clients and work! So evaluate why you do the things that you do that take a lot of time and effort. You may THINK that they are paying you dividends in the business department and maybe they are, but perhaps there are easier, simpler ways to doing business. Sitting at my desk in sweat pants and a t-shirt with a computer and telephone headset is pretty easy.

How else can you simplify your life? Know your priorities and values. I know that my time off is absolutely a priority. I don’t work weekends anymore and I value my down time. I do go out, but it’s because I want to spend time with someone, visit a new place or I want to learn something. That fits in with my thirst for knowledge and my love of people. I so enjoy having a meaningful conversation with a friend over dinner, or during a vigorous walk.

I have amazing friends who aren’t needy or demanding or who only like me when I fit in with their plans. They don’t expect me to do anything or be anybody…except me. That is so freeing! Because I am in authenticity with myself, there are no pretenses to uphold or high expectations that I really don’t want to meet. That feels wonderful!

So ask yourself, have you put yourself up on a pedestal of high expectations that now makes it difficult for you to achieve or reach. If you don’t have friends who will accept you as you are…get new friends. I did. I have very different friends today than I did three years ago. A few have stayed with me but the vast majority have moved out of the inner circle of my life. Don’t have friends just because you feel obligated to have them. Have friends in your life because you love having them in your life. That alone makes life way simpler!

I am beyond thrilled spending a weekend reading a good book. I don’t have television. So my choice of entertainment is easy. I often take friends out to my favorite restaurant in Vancouver for lunch. It’s pure joy for me to watch them enjoy the food and service and for me to get to share my little secret treasure with them. That’s a cheap thrill of under $30 that brings me memories I treasure for weeks after. So ask yourself: Do I have expensive habits that cause me stress and worry in the finance department or can I simplify in that area?

Remember that this gift will come easy for some and may be the farthest thing from other people’s minds. Some may want to cultivate this gift more in their life as it doesn’t come naturally. There is no right or wrong on this one. However, the next time you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, burdened by a project or task, ask yourself some simple questions:

Do I really need to do this or have I convinced myself that I need to do it?

Am I playing the martyr? In other words, do I enjoy the attention I get being busy and the hero in everybody’s life? That may be a tough question for you to answer honestly which may tell you the truth in that fact alone!

Am I getting the benefits that I want to get from how I am spending my time, money and resources or can I simplify?

Do I need to practice the word ‘No’ without justification and guilt?

Why am I buying things that I don’t need? Happy people who are on purpose spend less money on ’stuff’ to make them feel better. Promise!

Living a simple life is always a choice…even when you think it isn’t. It’s a choice everyday to eat, dress, and live simply. I used to spend days preparing for company making sure that every appetizer was perfect. I loved doing it, but today I have people over at least once a week for a bowl of homemade soup and we sit at my kitchen table. I’ve done this one both ways. I know now that at a ‘gut level’, that time with a good friend, a great book, a beautiful walk or time to spend in my spiritual practices mean far more to me that all the stuff. What about you? The summer is a great time to simplify so enjoy!

Have an awesome month of sunshine and laughter.

With love and light,

Jan

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