A client and I were discussing the other day how resentment had literally made her sick. We don’t usually talk much about resentment. I expect that’s because we’re supposed to be above this particular emotion. As a matter of fact, it’s even a hard one to define. Animosity, antagonism, ill will, irrational perturbation, displeasure and indignation are all in the dictionary under resentment, but I like my own definition the best.

It when I am not always sure what’s rubbing me the wrong way but I feel pissed off, irritated and edgy. One girlfriend described it as feeling “ratty”. However we describe it, I am sure you know the feeling only too well. Many people spend much of their life in that state and have it diagnosed as everything from depression to menopause to PMS to ADD. But it’s an emotional issue, manifesting as a physical problem.

Why is it so important to identify resentment? Have you noticed you will never have an amazing life if you are pissed off, irritated and edgy? You will see the negative rather than the positive. You will fear the future rather than embrace the present. You will make decisions that are small and risk-free instead of letting your soul soar. And none of those feel good.

So what are you resentful about? Lots of clients I work with are resentful because at 50 or 60 years of age, they haven’t even started doing what is important to them. They have put their own amazing life on the back burner and focused on helping everybody else achieve their dreams. They’re also resentful because they haven’t been given the Divine blueprint and they aren’t even sure what their amazing life looks like. They are irritated at the uncertainty and lack of clarity. And many times resentment around finances looms large.

Who growing up with parents that went through wars and depressions thought that after all of their education, working hard and putting their nose to the grindstone would end up broker than their parents due to a bad economy or poor money decisions – many not even their own? Most people I talk to thought they would be ready to retire by 55 – you know, the whole “freedom 55” tribal mentality. Instead, they are further in debt than they were at 35 and have had their retirement dreams flushed down the toilet.

Financial woes can piss you off faster than just about anything. Many women are resentful because children in their 20’s and 30’s are still somewhat dependent on them financially. Between dealing with aged parents, grown children and their own health and money worries, they feel burned out and ….resentful.

Resentment is one of those emotions that we just don’t admit to. Who wants to say, “I’m resentful that I worked hard to raise you, and I’m still paying your dentist bills at 25?” Not one mother who wants to feel unconditional love for her child is going to broadcast that emotion. Yet that is the reality for many parents today.

Or who dares to confess that at 65 they are no more prepared for retirement than they were at 25 but now they resent their lack of energy, opportunity and ambition? It can feel like life was stolen from them and it’s just not fair.

That feeling of it’s not fair is a big piece of the resentment issue. However, it feels downright childish to stomp and pout that it’s not fair that at 60 years of age, an amazing life seems a long ways away still, even impossible. But I believe that until we stop and look at what is holding us back from creating our amazing life, then we can’t create it. Ever.

And resentment is one of those emotions lurking in the dark places in the basements of our souls. We don’t want to go looking for where we are pissed off. But we need to.

So take inventory of your resentments because we all have them. And let’s start talking about them which can help to clear them. It will feel like a breath of fresh air.
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The words, “I don’t like you” rang through my head for decades. It wasn’t the classroom bully who said it. It wasn’t my best friend who uttered those words. It was my Dad. I was just 12 years old. I still remember the shock of realizing that the man who was supposed to love me no matter what, didn’t like me.

Looking back, I really can’t blame Dad. I was a precocious, selfish, ungrateful 12-year- old. We were in Hawaii at the time and I was making my parent’s life miserable on their holiday. However, what’s so funny is that at 49, Dad still doesn’t “like me”. The difference is that I’m not precocious, selfish or ungrateful any longer. I’m independent, a free-thinker and liberated. But Dad still doesn’t like any of those qualities in his youngest daughter who he thinks has gone severely astray.

People often tell me they’re worried people won’t like them. Consequently, they sacrifice their ideas, beliefs, values and dreams in hopes that the people around them will agree with them and support them. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way.

I realized many years ago that no matter what I did, people wouldn’t like me. There was really no getting around that fact. I could go down one path and some would approve. Others would disapprove. Chose another path and you are faced with the same dilemma.

I recently received an email from a successful professional who has decided to live a dream. Her parents and friends aren’t being overly supportive. That can be challenging when we have been raised to believe that a parent’s disapproval (no matter how old we are) means we are wrong. It can take courage to make a decision that doesn’t get rave reviews from the family, community or culture.

The pressure can be strong to succumb to everybody else’s desires and opinions. However, that will never create your amazing life. Your dreams are unique and special. They were given to you. They were not given to your mother, father, husband, wife or best friend. Those dreams are yours and yours alone.

When you get that you will never have 100% approval, no matter what you do, you can let go of the fear, doubt and guilt around doing what feels right for you.

Will there be some residue of those emotions the first few times you walk in the opposite direction of what you are “expected” to do? You better believe it. It took me 3 years to decide to leave the religious organization I was raised in. It was the toughest decision I ever made. Looking back, it was also the best. Yet, 11 years later, I still get flack from my family over the decision in the form of silence, ostracism and at times outright criticism. Nothing has changed for them but my life has gone from slavery to complete and total freedom – something I had never before experienced.

Some people will criticize you because they are honestly convinced that you are wrong. However, until they walk in your shoes, breathe your breath, and live with your soul, how could anyone be so dogmatic as to be 110% convinced of anything? Seriously, we have NO idea of what is going on in another person’s head. Most people don’t have a very good clue of what is going on in their own head – never mind anyone else’s!
Others will be outspoken because they are downright jealous of what you are choosing to do. They too want what you are going after but they are living with their own limitations and fears. They are stuck. You going after what you want only serves as a harsh reminder of how much they dislike their life. So they feel better when they judge your decisions.

Get over the idea that you are going to have 100% support from your cheering section with every decision you make. And if you find that you are getting little to no support from your associates, friends or family, then that could be a big clue that you need to attract people who are more supportive into your life. Surround yourself with people who do like you for you who are striving to be and are willing to help you get there. That can be a huge asset in creating your amazing life!

Nothing. Yet many people are waiting to have an amazing life when all the ducks are lined up in a row, the bills are all paid, the kids are in college, or they’ve found the perfect relationship. Honestly, if that’s you, you’ll be waiting a long time for perfection to happen.

The expression “ducks lined up in a row” is a popular saying that implies that everything needs to be in order. Originating from bowling alley lanes of yesteryear where the pins were called ducks, today we use the expression to signify that the pieces of our lives need to be in place before we move forward.

Now that may be possible with bowling alley pins or even ducks for a moment or two, but it is completely unrealistic to expect all your ducks to be in a row in real life. Waiting for that to happen will only create expectations that go unfulfilled and leave you with a life that is a far cry from amazing.

Why do we often expect to be able to line all our ducks up in a row? Our culture, upbringing, religion and what I call tribal mentality tells us that is what is necessary before we can do what we want. Your house needs to be cleaned before you go play. Your work needs to be done before you have fun. Your bills need to be paid before you take a vacation. Are you hearing someone’s voice when you read those words? Note if you are!
On the other hand, there is a completely contrasting message of “play now, pay later” and a “you deserve a break today” philosophy that can play havoc with your mind.

It becomes that constant tug-of-war struggle of “do I or don’t I”? As most of us are aware, that war only creates an overwhelming feeling of guilt, anxiety and fear – all emotions that are not conducive to creating an amazing life.

And to top it all off, the result of those conflicting emotions is a lukewarm, boring, dis-satisfactory life. Trying to walk the tightrope between doing what you really want, which usually involves the feeling of “freedom”, and creating the perfect environment to do it in, which invokes the emotion of “responsibility” results in a life that just doesn’t work well at all.

It may look like this for you. You take the weekend off but you feel guilty because the house needs cleaning or there is still work to do at the office. You spend the day wading through tax receipts and getting your financial house in order and you are resentful because you really wanted to go hiking. It’s a no-win lifestyle that the vast majority of people in the Western world live. It creates havoc emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and even financially.

Here’s what I suggest to get through this, because everybody I know has experienced it, and most people are living it right now.

1. Find out where your need for perfection comes from (parents, religion, culture etc). You can discover this by asking yourself some questions like: Where did I learn that I needed to be perfect? Are my parents perfectionists? Is my partner a perfectionist? Did I grow up in a religion that taught me that perfection was the ultimate goal? Then let go of those beliefs. If you’re not sure how to do that, my book Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round explains it in detail. But even using the words, “I let go in every cell of my body the need to be perfect”, is a good place to start.
2. Pick one thing that would help make your life more amazing in the short-term. Maybe it’s going for a hike every weekend, having one night off a week to just relax, or not setting the alarm on Saturday morning. I’m sure you can find one thing to incorporate into your life this week that would make it more amazing.
3. Choose one goal that you see as the “if I don’t do this before I die, I will be very upset” goal and focus on achieving that.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have your bookkeeping in order or live in a clean house. It’s just that you can never do it all. Something will always have to give – always.

However, having the financial resources to pay people to do lots of those things for you will make a world of difference. You could be out hiking and your bookkeeper could be doing your accounting. You could be at the movies with your family while the maid cleans the house. That to me is the ideal scenario and one I focus on daily. Creating your financial freedom will allow you to have more of your ducks in a row than someone who has to do it all by themselves because there is no money. But even billionaires can only be in one place at a time and have to set priorities. They just have more choice than the typical person.

Creating perfection has NOTHING to do with creating an amazing life. Let that one go and take one step this month towards creating your amazing life. Trust that it will be imperfect and love every minute of it!

When I have a few minutes to relax at the end of the day, I turn on the food channel. Cupcake Wars, Iron Chef America and the Next Food Star are perfect for winding down at the end of a long day.

However, far from being just relaxing, I have learned a lot about human nature and what it takes to succeed by watching chefs create massive landscapes with cupcakes or gourmet meals with a strange combination of ingredients. I’ve also admired their courage to show up, their willingness to be judged and their openness to be sent home – all in front of millions of viewers.

The one that has had me the most fascinated over the past few months is the Next Food Star. Twelve contestants competed for who would be the next Emeril Lagasse, Bobby Flay or Rachel Ray, all now multi-millionaires who achieved their fame and fortune on the Food Channel.

Watching the contestants compete is a lot like life. Although in the end, a lovely Indian woman won the contest on the Next Food Star, I am sure she hasn’t forgotten the moment when one of the judges sharply reprimanded her and told her to act like she really wanted to win. It was a turning point for her.  Others had to find their “why” for even being on the show; a few had to find their uniqueness amidst the masses. Some realized that they may have the skill but they didn’t have the personality to be a celebrity. They just weren’t charismatic.

But interestingly, Arti who won the contest had the most common challenge of all – self-doubt. She didn’t believe that she could do it. Constantly second-guessing herself, she could whip herself into a tizzy before the day’s challenges even began. But she overcame enough of her self-doubt to win the very prestigious contest.

Self-doubt is probably the greatest challenge in creating an amazing life. The nonsense that goes on in one’s head can be more debilitating than a physical challenge.

You know the questions such as: Am I good enough? Why should anyone believe me? Who am I to have what I want?

They plague everyone, including the most famous and successful people in the world. The difference is the successful people don’t let the doubts stop them. They move on despite the negative self-talk that would love to stop them.

I listened to a teleclass this week with a young man who failed kindergarten. I know – who thought you could fail kindergarten? But Darius did. However, today Darius is a best-selling author many times over, a multi-millionaire, a personal development trainer and a highly sought after speaker. This is from someone who at the foundational time of kindergarten was told he was stupid.

Self-doubt is one of those things you need to grab by the horns and confront. Stepping back constantly from challenges that will move you forward, or even avoiding them completely, rarely works in taking you where you want to go. How can you overcome self-doubt?

• Challenge your self-doubt instead of listening to it.
• Ask yourself constantly if what you are saying is the truth or a well-worn story that needs a rewrite.
• Start painting a more realistic picture of who you really are.

No, you’re not perfect, but you definitely have gifts, talents and a reason for being here. If you’re waiting until the self-doubt vanishes into thin air to start creating your amazing life, please stop waiting.

Creating an amazing life happens despite the doubts. No one is going to send you home. No one is going to tell you that you’ve been eliminated from the game. Instead, see life through to the completion of what you are here to do. Just do it – despite the self-doubt.

I’ve worked with plenty of clients over the years that have specific goals they have determined to achieve. Yet despite a level of passion and commitment, they just don’t do what is necessary to complete the goal. Hence, they end up feeling guilty and do a great job of beating themselves up over their lack of accomplishment. Maybe you’d done a good job of reaming yourself out over a failed goal or two.

Goals are important without a doubt. Without them, we wouldn’t get much done. But are you setting goals that mean the world to you? Or are you setting goals that you think you should set, your partner or parents want, or your culture, religion or family have set for you? If those goals are not 110% your goals, then the level of passion and commitment will never be what it needs to be for huge success.

Let’s say you’ve set a goal to build your business to a certain income level. You really want that amount of m.o.n.e.y in your life, but it’s just not happening. As a matter of fact, you get quite discouraged, even exhausted thinking about doing what it takes to meet that goal. What’s wrong?

Problem: The goal is not really yours, but you’ve bought into it and are trying to make it work.

Solution: Let it go!

Problem: You have a secret goal or desire that you would much rather be working on but it feels wrong, bad, selfish, unspiritual or even wicked to want what you really want.

Solution: Admit to yourself what you really want.

Problem: Because you really want something different from the goal you’ve set, you end up with nothing truly amazing.

Solution: Decide today you will ONLY settle for amazing!

Sound familiar? This scenario gets played out a thousand different ways in people’s lives every day. Stop doing what everybody else wants of you or even you think you should want! And until you let go of the negative emotions around the secret goal, you won’t ever move ahead.

Let me explain it this way. I can’t tell you how many people I meet just want freedom. They have admired and loved the life I have created for the past few years and there’s even been a teensy bit of envy at times, I’m sure. Especially on a cold, rainy day, my life looks even better than ever! Freedom is a huge goal for most people. However, rather than say, “this is what my goal of freedom looks like to me” and then proceed to define it, many people fall into the trap of setting the career, the business or the savings account as the goal, when they really want freedom.

The problem is that there is no link to building the career, staying late at the office, not taking the vacation, and working weekends with the feeling of freedom. There is no connection to saving money every month with the secret goal of freedom! And there is no correlation between learning the marketing, doing the networking, investing in coaches and workshops with the biggest desire of all – freedom! As a matter of fact, it can feel precisely the opposite. Wonder why there’s some resistance to achieving your goals? That’s a big clue!

Until that link and connection is made in the subconscious mind, and at a soul level, there will be a constant stalling, feeling of going around in circles or stop and starting. You will have a battle going on inside that some days will feel like World War III. Yes? I know – I used to have blazing battles going on inside of me! However, no more!

At the end of 2007, when I sold everything and started traveling, my #1 goal was freedom. I didn’t want to have to be anywhere at a given time, I wanted to see what I wanted, do what I wanted and own my time. I got what I wanted because I connected living in a different place every few months with my definition of freedom. So I was willing to do whatever it took, including earning a lot less money, to have that level of freedom. I laughed at the scorpions, dealt with the cockroaches, adapted to the different standards of living and blessed the insecurity of it all. Why? Because I had the goal of freedom securely fixed in my subconscious mind. Most importantly freedom was linked to travelling the world. I achieved my goal.

Today, I still have the goal of freedom but I have now linked it to creating massive leveraged income. Consequently, I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal, because in my subconscious mind it means even greater freedom. I am like a pitbull with lockjaw on this one and consequently, people are coming out of the woodwork to support me, because they know I am serious – more serious than I have ever been about my income.

However, without that switch in my programming around freedom, without that deep soul conversation, I wouldn’t be willing to do the necessary work. I would instead be longing for the carefree days I enjoyed in Mexico and Guatemala. If you haven’t got the right files linked up to what you really want, you won’t get it. If you haven’t reconciled this at a soul level, you’ll continue to wage the war. Guaranteed.

So here’s a few things you can do.

1. Look at a goal that you are struggling with and decide to let it go. Give it back to the Universe and say it’s not yours any longer. It needs to go to the right person.
2. Be honest about what you really want. It’s the most unselfish thing you can do for yourself and the world. Fire and brimstone will not come down from heaven and strike you dead. Promise.
3. Then decide what feels best about how to reach that goal. Be okay with it being unconventional, something new and maybe even scary.

After a luncheon engagement recently where I talked about freedom with a very successful entrepreneur, her and her husband decided to sell their house and are now planning to travel for a while. Another woman is going back to school in the fall despite financial issues that would make most people take on a second job. However, she has finally admitted her secret goal to herself and is putting the goals in place to support that dream. Another entrepreneur, despite a very successful career, realized regaining her health was her most important goal and she withdraw right in the middle of what most people would see as prime working years. She made it a goal to do whatever it takes, including earning less money to look after herself.

What do you really, really, really want? What would you walk over broken glass for? If you died and never got this one thing accomplished, would you be terribly angry with yourself over the failure? That’s precisely what you want to go after, with the passion of new lovers. Then see what kind of amazing life unfolds!

Last month I bought my new fully loaded Hyundai Sonata 2011, and drove it down to Sedona. I love my car. I know more about it than the salesman who sold it to me. But if I told you the nightmare I had buying it, you might be shocked that I went through with the deal.

So many times working with clients or teaching a teleclass, I will hear something like: “the credit card didn’t go through so I took that to mean I wasn’t supposed to go”, or “they didn’t return my call so I decided to cancel the deal”. I have seen people toss in the towel over the slightest excuse. Many will see any hiccup in their journey as a divine sign that God is telling them to stop and turn back or go in another direction. The smallest of challenge or issue and they determine it’s “just not meant to be.” Perhaps you have done that once or twice in your life. I know I used to do it all the time.

Let me tell you, if I had thought that way buying my car, I would be driving a different car. The dealership didn’t follow through, they lied, and they were incompetent at best. At one point, unbeknownst to me, they had ordered the car from the factory and I inadvertently found out it was due to arrive 3 weeks after I left for Sedona. If you want to talk about screw-ups, I can give you a list a mile long. So why didn’t I cancel the deal and walk? There are lots of cars to buy and an abundance of dealerships.

Perhaps my line of reasoning will help you determine when to see things as divine signs and when you just need some tenacity.

I was very clear on what I wanted in a car. I had made my list and checked it twice. I did more research on cars, new and used, than the average person. I knew this was the car I wanted and the value was there for the money. So with that level of clarity, my desire to have it was sky-high.

This is a first big clue for you. If you don’t have clarity and lots of it, you will back-off or back-down at the first sign of resistance. There just won’t be enough juice in the desire file to have any sort of staying power.

I was clear I wanted this car and I was going to have this car. Anything else would have been second-best and that just didn’t sit well with me.

Are you that crystal clear on what you want? You need to be.

Secondly, I value my time. Hugely. To start car shopping again would have been a tremendous amount of time. So I seriously weighed the time spent dealing with the hassles, which was a few hours, as opposed to starting all over again. Most people have no idea what their time is worth so they will stop and start again, not valuing what they have already put into something.

Do you know how much your time per hour is worth? If not, figure it out by dividing what you want your annual income to be, divided by the income earning hours you work in a week. Don’t forget to take time off for holidays and non-income producing hours. When you see that your time is actually worth $100, $200, maybe $500 or more, you stop doing lots of things that no longer make sense if you’re going to reach your financial goals.

Thirdly, I understand that not everybody I deal with is going to be competent, as professional as I want them to be, or as honest as I am. Living in the real world dictates dealing with people that would never have a front-row seat in my life. Believe me, I will never go to lunch with the general manager of the Hyundai dealership in Victoria. I won’t even go back and get servicing at that dealership. But they don’t need to be front-row participants in my life. They just needed to make a limited contribution to my long-term joy and that they did by delivering me the car I wanted on time for me to drive it to Sedona.

Oftentimes I see people dramatize a negative experience as if that lousy greeter at the workshop was going to come home with them or the rude receptionist was their best friend. Don’t get me wrong. I delight in excellent service and thoroughly enjoy interacting with someone who is operating from one of their sacred gifts. I just don’t let someone having a bad day ruin my day, my goals, my dreams and visions. Victoria Hyundai was not going to steal my car from me, far from it.

Are bumps in the road ever divine signs? Absolutely. I’ve turned down opportunities, rejected offers and stopped dealing with people many times. But every challenge is not a sign or a warning. Learning to trust yourself is a big issue here. We’ll talk about that more in another newsletter.

Oftentimes it is fear that you might actually get what you want. There can be deservedness issues which is why you will back down easily and attribute it to many things, including a small glitch in the process. Sometimes, we just begin to doubt and once that spiral stops, it can be hard to stop. However, if your clarity and conviction are strong enough, nothing can stop you - not even the biggest challenges.

So ask yourself: Do I let people easily steal my dreams from me? Do I give up quickly? Am I the person who doesn’t follow through or bails when the going gets tough?

You may disappoint many people along the way by doing that, but most importantly you lose out on so many adventures, experiences and dreams on your own unique journey to an amazing life. That’s the part that is worth seriously considering the next time you’re ready to give up easily.

матрациI recently connected with an old friend. Although we hadn’t spoken for about a year, we picked up the conversation like it was just last week, although lots had changed for both of us. A downsizing at her workplace precipitated major decisions as to her career choices and financial future.

What was so fascinating in listening to her was that, despite her telling me that she didn’t know what to do, she really did. As I listened to her argue with herself for a few minutes, it was obvious that she had been given the direction to go; she just wasn’t listening. She knew that she was to stay home with the kids for the summer and then go back to school. It was as clear as a bell to me during the conversation and equally as clear to her also by the end of the conversation.

So why do we fight with ourselves over the choices when if we were perfectly honest with ourselves, we often already know the answers?

If we cut through all the mind-frick and mumbo-jumbo, I believe it comes down to one reason primarily - we are afraid of making a mistake. Plain and simple. We don’t want to make a mistake.

Unfortunately, many of us were raised with the adage that making a mistake was serious business. It could bring shame on the family or religious community. It might scar us for life. What would other people think if we did something wrong or stupid? The message very clearly sent was that it’s not safe to make mistakes.

We thereby spend our entire lives avoiding mistakes, which is absolutely crazy.

When I realized this several years ago on my own personal journey of discovery, I decided that I cannot make a mistake. I can only have a different experience. Did you get that? You cannot make a mistake. You can only have a different experience.

Whew – what a relief! So if you choose A, then B is the different experience. If you choose B, then C is it. There is nothing right or wrong about any of it – it is just different. If when my husband wanted to come back after leaving the marriage, I had said yes, then my experience over the past 10 years would have been remarkably different than it was. Better? Who knows? Different? Absolutely! Rather than worry about the what ifs….I have chosen to focus on making the best of the choice and loving the experience.

I love that I just bought the car I wanted, instead of it having to be a mutual decision, compromising to please someone else’s tastes. I love managing my own money with no surprises about what the other person spent. I love traveling where I want to travel and having exactly the kind of vacation I know I need for me. Those are benefits and I dwell on those rather than on the downsides of which there are also many.

Once you let go of the belief that you can make a mistake, the freedom you experience is like a kid in a candy store where it’s all f.r.e.e.! The world is yours for the taking, the experiencing, the sheer enjoyment of exploration and investigation. Isn’t that exciting?

Yet I talk to so many people who hear the direction but constantly ask for confirmation. This is another symptom of the fear of making a mistake. The idea that getting the same message three different times must mean it’s true is a fallacy and a time-waster.

If I chose to make the Universe give me the same directions or guidance three times, I’d get one-third done! That is a huge waste of time. Why not listen the first time and go for it? You cannot make a mistake. You will only have a different experience and from what I’ve seen they’re all fascinating – even the really scary ones.

I’ve got some exciting things coming up over the next few months including a brand new book. It’s called The Booby Trap: How Complacency is Costing Women Their Lives. It’s provocative, highly controversial and beyond juicy. When I was told to come back to Canada to write it six weeks earlier than I had planned, I didn’t delay. I made the arrangements and committed.

I will be settling back in BC by the end of the year for a few years…so I am told. When I bought a set of pots and pans that were on sale and a brand new car that definitely wasn’t, that was my answer to the Universe, my commitment to this project. The Universe understands that for me to make those commitments, this is big for me – the gal who has lived out of 2 suitcases with no debt for the past 2 ½ years. As confirmation it’s been beautiful to see the support for the book come from so many different places. I would never have imagined.

I assure you that any initial misgivings about listening will soon disappear once you see the magic and peace that can transpire in your life when you become accustomed to the flow of listening and following, hearing and taking action. The partnership that is extended to every one of us is mystical and magical. It’s absolutely the easiest way to create your amazing life!

The other day I saw a slogan that said, “I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.” I haven’t stopped smiling about it. Especially as I am writing a particularly controversial book, it is impossible to not be opinionated. As a matter of fact, I absolutely need to be.

In looking at whether it is being opinionated, passionate or dogmatic which has a negative connotation of being arrogant along with being opinionated, it can be hard to know when you’re supposed to “go with the flow” and when you’re supposed to state your opinion.

What I have noticed is that many people have lost the feistiness, the spark that lights up their eyes and fuels the passion in their soul. Being more concerned about fitting in, not rocking the boat or the fear of being seen as opinionated, radical or maverick can over-ride the knowingness deep in our soul that what we feel is right and to say something about it. It can be much easier and safer to just stay quiet. It also takes a lot of energy to have an opinion and even more to vocalize it.

It’s a subject that best-selling author and activist Marianne Williamson raises frequently. In speaking about the apathy of the women in America (I apply this to both sexes in developed countries) and their desire to change something, she says: “they are disconnected both internally and externally from their power and the collective power of women to make the change”.

She explains that the female hyenas surround their cubs until they are fed and don’t allow the males anywhere near the food. Today with 17,000 children dying each day, one every 5 seconds, Marianne simply asks: Can the women of America not do better than the hyenas? In other words, will we find our power, our passion and our opinion personally and collectively to stand up for what we know is right?

Complacency is a subtle enemy. It’s like the frog in the water that doesn’t jump out because the water gets gradually warmer and warmer and eventually he is boiled to death. We’re being boiled to death as we tolerate more and more, gradually becoming accustomed to what would have horrified us before.

If you doubt that fact, just look at the current rating of movies or the television shows including the nudity and graphic language that is currently allowed on TV. We would never have tolerated much of what is now accepted as the norm a few decades ago.

Having an opinion can definitely be offensive when it is coupled with arrogance, that “if you don’t believe my way, you’re wrong” or a lack of respect if someone doesn’t believe the way you do. My dear dad is about as dogmatic as one can be about the rightness of his religious beliefs and the dangerous, deadly path I walk in my spiritual path. There is nothing subtle in his emails to me and he completely ignores that I am an adult entitled to my opinions. However, at 87 years of age, I just send him love and know he really thinks he’s saving me.

On the other hand, there are so many issues I believe we need to get opinionated about. I’ve just chosen one tiny little issue in my upcoming book but I could think of a hundred things I could stand up and be passionate about. What about you? If you’re having a hard time thinking of anything that you would stand on the mountaintop and declare with all of your life force, then you may need to recharge your opinion battery.

What good comes from having an opinion? Lots! First of all, I believe we are here for a reason. Especially, if you are reading newsletters like mine, you did not come to twiddle your thumbs and contemplate your navel. Trust me, you are here for a reason and it’s probably bigger than you are currently thinking.

So having an opinion lights the fire in your soul, finds your passion and sets you on your purpose. It gets you using your sacred gifts, your talents and blessings you are here to share with the world. It gives you a reason to move beyond yourself and your problems and challenges. It’s why you get out of bed in the morning with energy and vigor. An opinion will help you find meaningful goals and the fuel to reach them.

Yes, having an opinion does all of those things.

Are you ready to get opinionated? I hope so! We need more energized, passionate, driven people in the world who have a cause they are opinionated about and are willing to share with others. These are exciting times! You really need to find those opinions inside of you and start sharing them with others. See what they say, how it fine tunes you and makes you stronger and even more passionate.

And remember the next time someone shares an opinion with you, even if you don’t agree with it, bless them for having the courage to speak up and thank them for sharing it with you.

We can do better than the hyenas, can’t we?

There was no chain or railing as we sat on top of a 14 storey temple in Tikal. You could easily go over the edge. It was a long ways down. You didn´t see a chain across the exit on the boat going to Santiago so you could with one false step go straight into the water. There wasn´t a life jacket in sight to save you. There were no DANGER or CAUTION signs at the Castle in Rio Dulce as you clambered up and down narrow stairs, or maneuvered around giant holes in the floor. Yet kids were having the time of their life pretending they were pirates just like in the old days.

Like many developing countries, Guatemala is not big on safety warnings – at any level. As a matter of fact, I can´t remember the last time I heard a mother say “Be careful” to their child. Children run and play, fall and get hurt and learn pretty darn quickly what causes them pain. Older children watch out for the little ones to a degree but even a two year old here has figured out that the fire is hot.

It´s a whole different world in North America. The average child has heard the word “no” 60,000 times before they reach the age of 5. “Be careful” is a mother´s mantra. As children grow up, they learn to expect others to warn them, watch out for them and be responsible for their future. When the government fails to pay; the employer lays them off without notice; or the company doesn´t provide adequate legal disclaimers such as “the coffee is hot”, - it´s not their fault. Victimhood is at pandemic proportions.

Given a choice, I prefer the developing country mentality on this one. I´ve lived in both worlds now – 4 years in Ecuador, 2 years in Mexico and now the last 3 months in Guatemala. I´d say we have a lot to learn from their attitude about taking responsibility. There isn´t a lawyer on every corner, people don´t talk about suing anybody and everybody and there isn´t a lot of blame going on.

No, in this country, you work for what you get, you take responsibility for bettering your life and country and you make the best of your life, always grateful for what you have. Not a bad attitude for everyone to adopt.

It´s easy to make excuses for why you don´t have what you want. Of course, you can blame the economy, the family responsibilities, the weather, the government, the clients, the lack of time and the poor health. There is a list as long as one´s arm twenty times over about why life isn´t working.

But what if there was just one place to look for the problem AND the solution for everything in your life? Wouldn´t that be a whole lot less exhausting than having a never-ending list of accomplices to blame?

Whenever I am not happy with something in my life and there are still some areas that I am working to improve, I come back to a simple question: What do I want to do differently in the future?

For example, let´s say that you aren´t making the kind of mo.n.ey you want to make. Maybe that´s $75,000, a 6-figure-income or becoming a millionaire for you – just think about how much mo.n.ey you REALLY want to make. No excuses, no compromises, no justification – just honesty.

Now admit that whatever reasons you have going through your head about why you haven´t created this level of income is entirely 100% your responsibility. No blame, no guilt, just 100% responsibility and acknowledgement. You might even say out loud to yourself, “I am 100% responsible for the financial prosperity that I have created to date.”

Next, you want to take 100% responsibility for the financial prosperity that you wish to create. So you might say something along the lines of: “I am 100% responsible for the financial prosperity (wealth, riches, mo.n.e.y) that I wish to create and that amount of mo.n.ey is ….”and fill in the blank with that amount of money.

That is your mantra for the future. YOU are 100% responsible. Period. Full stop. End of discussion. Once you have accepted 100% responsibility for creating your wealth, your health, your career, your relationships, your beautiful home, your spiritual life or your next vacation, life changes dramatically.

With the acceptance of this responsibility usually comes the question: But what if I can´t change something like my best friend´s negativity, my arthritis or the weather? How do I take 100% responsibility for that?

It´s easy. Most things can be changed. You can change friends, cure your arthritis or move to better weather. I´m totally serious. You can change just about anything in your life, except maybe your height. Anything else can be changed. Honest. Even genetics.

However, one of the easiest thing to change is your perception of anything and everything. So is your best friend negative or is she reaching out for help in the best way that she knows how? Is your arthritis really incurable or is it a great excuse for not moving ahead in your life? Is the weather really all that bad or are you tired, overdue for a day off, some fun or a vacation?

Change your perception or change your life. But it is 100% your responsibility every time and in every case. There are absolutely no exceptions on this in my life. Seems tough for some but honestly, this attitude is what creates the level of happiness I have in my life and the ability to deal with what comes my way. Not much flusters me, not much takes me out of the game of life. It´s pretty stable, even-keeled and balanced. My life is amazingly creative, joyful and ever-expanding. If someone asked me my secret to an amazing life, this would be it.

100% responsibility. How does that feel for you?

It´s easy to be in a good mood when things are going well.  It´s natural to be polite when people are polite to you.  And it´s a piece of cake to live from spiritual principles when you´re “in the zone”.

I also know that there are times when I am what I call “consciously unconscious” and I don´t give a damn.  Those are the times when I know I am being stubborn, selfish, judgmental and even though I know it; I´m not open to changing.  It´s those times when I realize how far I still have to go in my own spiritual development.  Perhaps you know only too intimately what I am talking about.

It´s why I continue to admire the people here in Guatemala.  The only word that even comes close to describing them is gracious.  I have never described any culture as gracious but it seems the most appropriate in describing these absolutely beautiful people.

Gracious means pleasantly kind, polite, benevolent, gentle and courteous.  Despite very hard living conditions, poverty that is painful at times to see, a government that is totally corrupt, an economy that is suffering severely from lack of tourists this year, the people continue to genuinely smile, offer you a hand, accept your assistance with gratitude and openly welcome you into their country and homes.

With so many people today in developed countries experiencing hardships that they have never before endured, it´s easy to have a “poor me” attitude.  One can feel warranted to complain about the lack, the problems, the economy and the hardships.  However, as much as one can feel justified to complain, to be consciously unconscious, it doesn’t solve the problems.  I know.  I´ve done plenty of it over the years and it wasn´t what brought me peace, joy, or happiness, that´s for sure.

It´s why being surrounded by people, many who have nothing in comparison to what we enjoy in other parts of the world, are a great example of finding joy in everyday life, in the little things.

There isn´t a morning when I wake up, that I don´t look at the blue sky, the lake and the volcanoes around me and thank God for another gorgeous day.  The succulent papaya, the wholesome bread that is beyond delicious, the eggs that come from chickens that have the run of the house and yard, the unique bird songs that fill the air and the warmth of the sun are all pretty basic things in life – even in Guatemala.  But not one of them goes unnoticed by me here.

It´s easy to feel relaxed, benevolent, be polite and kind here because the atmosphere supports it.  It´s not always this easy everywhere, is it?  Sometimes you may feel the fear, worry, anxiety and the doubts.

So what do you do when you aren´t feeling so gracious but are headed down the path of being consciously unconscious and not giving a damn?  What do you do when you´re feeling tired, cross and snarky?

It´s when I stop and breathe.  It´s when I stop and decide if this is how I want to be living my life.  It´s when I stop, just for a second, and make a choice about where I am headed.   And I ask myself a couple of  important questions:  Will I regret what I am about to say or will I be proud of myself after the fact?  And will these thoughts and words lead me to the place of peace, joy and graciousness that I wish to live from?  The answer is usually a resounding no which now gives me an opportunity to choose a different way of being.

I know that many people feel that the North American way of life is the most desired way of life.  Unfortunately, even here in Guatemala with the introduction of American snack food, jeans and modern technology, it is evident that they are striving for what we have in the developed world.  And really when you see women like the photo above carrying wood for fires they will build in their homes to cook their tortillas on, it is easy to see why the “easier” lifestyle of a developed country would seem most desirable.

However, I am not convinced that there isn’t a lot we can´t learn from the simpler, gracious and gentler way of life.  What helps me and perhaps will help you remember too, are the little things.  The smile of a child, the beautiful flower, the cooling breeze, the gorgeous sunrise or sunset and the simple joy of eating a juicy piece of fruit all contribute to that feeling of peace, joy and graciousness.  There´s nothing expensive or time consuming about any of those.  You could be standing in line at the grocery store and acknowledge a young child.  You can be driving home from work admiring the cloud formations or the fresh smell of the air after a rainfall.  Try it, especially when you find yourself with your shoulders up around your earlobes, your stomach churning with anxiety or your head aching from stress.

Stop and ask:  Is this how I choose to live my life?  If not, choose differently, because YOU can.  And that is the most exciting knowing of all.